Monday, April 17, 2006
Monday, February 06, 2006
What number are YOU?
I want to be a single-digit dial. Otherwise, we could be Splitsville.
Monday, January 30, 2006
What is this?
Friday, July 15, 2005
My Celebrity Twin
| You scored as Ashlee Simpson. You are most like Ashlee Simpson (looks are not identical you just have similar features)|
What Celebrity Could Be Your Twin!? (Awesome!!)
created with QuizFarm.com
My Ideal Drug
You scored as Inhalents. Sniffing chemicals you found under the sink again? Tsk tsk! This will lead you nowhere, and your high will only last a few minutes, or even seconds. You're breathing in toxins which cause deprivation of oxygen to your brain.Did you know you can DIE the first time you try huffing? Go for somethin else, babe.
What's your ideal drug?
created with QuizFarm.com
Oh boy, airplane glue here I come! Hell, this might explain why I like to mix toxic epoxies outside of a fume hood.
Choosing My Religion
Look below to see the results of my religion quiz. I didn't know I had such Satanic tendencies! But oh well, looks like it's Wicca for me!
| You scored as Paganism. Your beliefs are most closely aligned with those of paganism, Wicca, or a similar earth-based religion. You may also follow a Native American religion.|
Which religion is the right one for you? (new version)
created with QuizFarm.com
Tuesday, July 12, 2005
Wednesday, July 06, 2005
Oh Man, I Don't Feel So Good!
Wednesday, June 22, 2005
One Tough Old Dude
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
Friday, June 17, 2005
A Lakeview Drive woman, 25, believes two men stole her $13,000 wedding ring late June 9 or early June 10.
The woman met the men at Slam Jams. After drinking four beers, she decided to spend the night with them. About 2 a.m., the three walked to Hampton Inn across the street.
The woman left the hotel at 7 a.m. June 10. Both men were still sleeping. At 9 a.m. she realized her wedding ring was missing. She went back to Hampton, but the men were gone.
The woman and hotel workers looked for the ring, but they couldn't find it.
Slam Jams. Classy.
Thursday, June 16, 2005
Yes, but why on Earth would they want to?
Animal shelter: Kind of a sad visit if you don’t plan to adopt an animal but you may consider volunteering to walk a dog. Sometimes, the facility will allow you to tour its clinic and explain the shots and other treatments. It’s good for kids to learn about pet care.
Bank: Call up your local bank and ask for a tour. Winter Advisory: If you wear a ski-mask, take it off before entering the bank. Kids love the big vaults.
Model homes: Create your own home and garden show. Just go to dream or get ideas for your own home improvement or landscaping project. Bring a camera.
Water Plant/power plant: Yet another tour awaiting your phone call.
Wow. Ohio just isn't a very fun place to be if you are living on the cheap. One thing this site didn't mention is my favorite pasttime- watching the antics of the crazy crackheads that filter in and out of the rundown house across the street from me. It's better than HBO!
Tuesday, June 14, 2005
Don's New Beaux
Don's new girlfriend sure is hot, but that wig of his has got to go! And are they both really stoned?
Monday, June 13, 2005
A familiar face
Who is that guy in the white suit? He sure looks familiar. I wonder if he's a fellow time traveller. Any hoot, he has some big guns, doesn't he? Let's take a closer look at that mug:
What a happy fellow!
Friday, June 10, 2005
For the Don
Also, I like the high-quality graphics.
Thursday, June 09, 2005
Monday, June 06, 2005
Friday, June 03, 2005
You know what I'm talking about.
Thursday, June 02, 2005
This is the Don. He is a good guy. Seventy-nine.
Monday, May 30, 2005
Barry, thanks for being you. You are an inspiration to many of us, and your fashion sense rivals Liberace's. And you won me a free Zeno's t-shirt. What more can I ask of a guy I've never even met? What a pal!
What song did I sing? Why, Copacabana, of course! It's a crowd-pleaser. This was a big improvement over my lounge singer version of "The Pusher" by Steppenwolf. All those "Goddamns" being crooned out in a cheesy imitation of Wayne Newton can get on the audience's nerves. I seem to do best when imitating actual lounge singers. Of course, I still think my best all-time performance was Vanilla Ice's "Ice Ice Baby", in the style of Dick Cheese.
Richard "Dick" Cheese and Lounge Against the Machine, that's who.
+ = ???
Now that's a class act. If this whole physics thing doesn't work out, maybe I can go to Vegas and belt out "Bust a Move" a la Sinatra.
Saturday, May 28, 2005
Friday, May 20, 2005
What People Talk About
[19:48] Arjuna Actually, a set of teeth in my asshole would be useful in certain circumstances.
[19:49] Prezident yea, like if you were in prison
[19:49] Arjuna Yep, that is what I was thinking.
[19:49] Arjuna As long as the teeth could bite down it'd be ok.
[19:49] Arjuna Teeth without the jaw would be pretty pointless.
[19:49] Arjuna They
[19:49] Prezident now, would you have to brush the teeth in your asshole too?
[19:50] Arjuna They'd just scrape.
[19:50] Prezident and if you did, would you use the same toothbrush you use for your mouth?
[19:50] Arjuna I am not sure about that, I'd guess you'd have too.
[19:50] Arjuna I'd use the same one, but I'd always brush the teeth in my mouth first then my asshole teeth.
[19:51] Arjuna Soak it in some alcohol afterwards.
[19:51] Arjuna I'd have a really nice vibrating toothbrush though.
[19:51] Arjuna And my farts would smell like toothpaste!
[19:52] Prezident gives a whole new meaning to morning breath
[19:52] Arjuna Sure does.
Three names I've been called:
MotorMouth (Jerry, the schoolbus driver in 1st grade)
Paul (some guy at a deli back home, who must have wondered wtf when I signed my name)
Three screen names that I am glad I didn't choose:
Three things I like about James Morris:
2. His hair (Jen White's a big fan too)
3. He shares an office with the Don.
Three things I don't like about Rick Santorum:
Three things is not enough of an opportunity for to properly express my dislike of this individual.
Three parts of my body:
1. left pinkie finger
2. xiphoid process
3. a partially formed identical twin causing me to see incredible hallucinations
Three things that weird me out:
1. shrimp, the cockroaches of the sea
3. wearing white after labor day
Three of my everyday essentials:
2. a good bowel movement
3. clean underwear
Three things I am wearing right now:
1. my prosthetic moustache
2. a shit-eating grin
3. a mu-mu
Three of my least favorite colors:
3. burnt sienna
Three of my fave movies:
1. Howard the Duck
2. Major League II
3. Piñata: Survival Island
Three new things I want to for Christmas:
1. cash money
2. to be done with my General Exam
3. to be someplace warm
Three things I dislike in a relationship:
2. intermittent sex
3. talking about being in a relationship incessantly
Two lies and a truth:
1. I lie all the time.
2. I lie someties.
3. I never lie.
Three things that attract me to Physics:
1. hotspot for meeting women
2. who doesn't want to spend years studying Quantum Mechanics?
3. crazy german professors
Three things I can do without:
1. fast food
3. people without direction
Three things I do a lot of:
2. Breaking/fixing things
Three places I've been on vacation:
1. Rocky Mountain National Park
2. Puracé Volcano, Colombia
3. Junior and Senior years, undergrad
Three things I just can't stop doing:
2. Chowing down tender cuts o' cow
3. sounding like a stage villan when I laugh
Three kids' names that should never be:
1. Chisom (for a girl)
2. Kelly (for a boy)
Three things I want to do after I die:
1. Get my PhD
2. Never have to worry about eating cheese again
3. Kick back and not do anything for a while
Three celebrities I hope I never meet:
1. Alanis Morrisette
2. Paul Reubens
3. Keith Hernandez
I tag nobody, because I'm not in 2nd grade anymore.
Thursday, May 19, 2005
Wednesday, May 18, 2005
Sunday, May 15, 2005
European Video Games
Who knew that five games are unlimited variations?
Wednesday, May 11, 2005
And speaking of used cars...
Urinal Cake Messages
Of course, there are always other types of urinal cakes:
What the hell is this?
Tuesday, May 10, 2005
If there is such a thing as hell, this is what is for dinner every night
Monday, May 09, 2005
What really gets me are women who get butt-toppers (butttoppers?) or tattoos on their bellies. Obviously, they are not considering what happens when you birth a few babbies. You see, your skin will most likely becoming very stretched out, and after pushing out your kiddo (or having him cut out) will stay stretched out to some degree. This means that awesome tattoo you got when you were 19, that looked so great for your 4 years of college is now going to look something like this. Brilliant.
This should have been in The Onion- one man's quest to enter the swimming pool unadorned with skin art. How dare he!
Last but not least, I wonder if some guys ever get butt-toppers. You can only guess what that would mean.
Saturday, May 07, 2005
For more good stuff in this vein, visit here.
Thursday, May 05, 2005
Monday, May 02, 2005
Clean as a Whistle
|as clean as a whistle||without any dirt or marks, smooth and clean||The hen squeezed, and out popped an egg as clean as a whistle.|
When I think of clean as a whistle, it just doesn't get any better than a chicken pushing a shit-coated egg out of its ass.